Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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