Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
