I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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