Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
