thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
