my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
