So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
