I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
