As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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