she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
