I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
