i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
