new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
