I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
