she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
