i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
