Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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