It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
