Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
