yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
