I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think people are normalizing furries
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
