tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
