How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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