please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
