just tell him i said nine months
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
