i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
