At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
