i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
