Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
only if we run a train.
done.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
