The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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