Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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