I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
