I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
