Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
