and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
