I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
