You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
