You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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