Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
