I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
