I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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