And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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