Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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