Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
