I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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