see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
