Please, let me fuck your mom
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
