I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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