i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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