I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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