You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
