oh god the rape fog is back!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
