I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
